Sometimes your self-aspects are immature, selfish, controlling, and don’t want to change. They have run the show for years and aren’t going to go away just because you want them to. In this example, guilt has controlled and limited this lady’s self-esteem and had a major negative impact on her relationship with her family and lovers over the years. What to do? If you make an enemy of your resistance you only give it more power. With IDL you listen to it. By showing it respect, you reduce internal conflict while bringing it into conscious awareness so that you can understand how you sabotage your own happiness.
Which life issue brings up the strongest feelings for you?
Guilt. I stayed angry a lot last week and realized it was because I was scared. I was scared because I feel guilty for the death of everyone – Willie, my grandmother when I was 18-19, my grandfather when I was 10…
If those feelings had a color (or colors), what would it be?
Black!
Imagine that color filling the space in front of you so that it has depth, height, width, and aliveness.
Now watch that color swirl, congeal, and condense into a shape. Don’t make it take a shape, just watch it and say the first thing that you see or that comes to your mind: An animal? Object? Plant? What?
A black hole around me!
Now remember how as a child you liked to pretend you were a teacher or a doctor? It’s easy and fun for you to imagine that you are the shape that took form from your color and answer some questions I ask, saying the first thing that comes to your mind. If you wait too long to answer, that’s not the character answering – that’s YOU trying to figure out the right thing to say!
Black Hole, would you please tell me about yourself and what you are doing?
I am around Laurie. I like to destroy good thoughts. I suck in good energy and blow around her the bad energy of sadness, anger.
You’re bad energy, is that correct, black hole?
Yes! I’m bad because I’m living on the fear of Laurie.
What do you think she’s afraid of, black hole?
She’s afraid of death. I can make her cry. I like her to be unhappy and stay unhappy. I enjoy when she is sad and angry. I love it!
What do you like most about yourself? What are your strengths?
I am all powerful! I have control of Laurie!
What do you dislike most about yourself? Do you have weaknesses? What are they?
No!
Black Hole, you are in this person’s life experience, correct? They created you, right?_____ Black Hole, what aspect of this person do you represent or most closely personify?
Guilt and fear
Black Hole, if you could be anywhere you wanted to be and take any form you desired, would you change? If so, how?
No. Why should I? I get fed by Laurie all the time!
(Continue, answering as the transformed object, if it chose to change.)
Black Hole, how would you score yourself 0-10, in each of the following six qualities: confidence, compassion, wisdom, acceptance, inner peace, and witnessing? Why?
Confidence: 10 I’m not afraid of anything. I’m powerful. I don’t feel any guilt. Why should I? It’s powerful not to feel any guilt!
Compassion: -100! I don’t care about anybody or anything. I don’t have to care. I AM!
Wisdom: ? It sounds like human bullshit!
Acceptance: 10 Toward myself! Toward others, NONE!
Inner Peace: ? I don’t need it!
Witnessing: 0 I prefer to make things worse!
Black Hole, if you scored tens in all six of these qualities, would you be different? If so, how?
I don’t want to think about any of those human angel blah stuff thingies. It’s really what I don’t want to become.
How would Laurie’s life be different if she naturally scored like you do in all six of these qualities all the time?
If she scored like me and didn’t feel fear or guilt it would be very difficult for her to change the good energy into bad energy. If she felt like me I wouldn’t have any power. Then she would be an ugly bitch and maybe even more powerful than I am. I wouldn’t be able to hurt her. Maybe I would have to look for another person. But with her it’s so easy, so I would prefer to hurt her.
If you could live Laurie’s life for her, how would you live it differently?
If I were in charge of her life I wouldn’t feel any guilt or fear, or anger, because I need the guilt and fear to feel angry. I would be normally angry, but without guilt there is no power…there is no foundation for intense anger. If she doesn’t feel guilty…I wouldn’t be afraid. I would prefer for Laurie’s life to be ugly and bad and unhappy as possible so she will feel guilty so I’ll have plenty to eat!
If you could live Laurie’s waking life for her today, would you handle her three life issues differently? If so, how?
1. Regarding guilt, I wouldn’t do it.
2. Regarding fear, I wouldn’t do it. I’m not afraid of anything.
3. Regarding anger, I am fed by it but I am not when Laurie is too happy. The guilt of her being in charge of keeping people from dying and wishing she could have stopped it is the best kind of power for me.
What three life issues would you focus on if you were in charge of Laurie’s life?
1. Feel more guilt! It’s like gourmet food!
2. Fear is good, but guilt is a lot better!
3. She should also be afraid that other people will think that she’s not good, not good enough, a bad person!
Why do you think that you are in Laurie’s life?
It’s easy to get fed from her. I’ve been in her life a very long time. It scares me to think of what her life would be like without me. She never knew that I was so powerful and around. I’m more powerful out of her awareness. I don’t think I like you talking about her or asking me all these questions. I think you’re trying to trick me, to take away my power….
Black Hole, you are a part of Laurie like every other part. I am trying to understand you to help Laurie listen to you and your needs.
No you’re not! I’m in control! You’re trying to take away my control over her life!
In what life situations would it be most beneficial for Laurie to imagine that she is you and act as you would?
I don’t want her to do that. Then she would be powerful and I wouldn’t be able to manipulate her….
Laurie, what have you heard yourself say?
I have had this black hole for a very long time. My deceased grandmother (who we interviewed) told me to stop it because it’s not me. The black hole wants to have full control and full power. It’s a happy and powerful black hole if I’m feeling guilty and afraid. I got this idea when I was a child that I’m powerful enough to prevent people from dying. Now that I’m talking about it, it feels very confusing. With my brain I know that’s bullshit! But my heart tells me I SHOULD be able to keep them from dying! My brain knows it but my heart can’t believe it. My heart tells me to feel responsible for others. I’m feeling guilty about it…
Homework assignment:
Feed the Black Hole. Give it your feelings, your thoughts, your banana peels, the bugs you scrub from your body when you bathe…Feed it MORE! Feed it continuously! See what happens…
If this experience were a wake-up call from your soul, what do you think it would be saying to you?
I have been playing the role of victimized child to the Black Hole’s persecuting, controlling parent. When am I going to decide it’s time to start parenting myself??
Notice that when the Black Hole did not want to change to tens we asked it how Laurie would be if it scored like it does – not if she scored all tens. This is based on the assumption that the Black Hole is an important part of Laurie and needs to be listened to and respected . If she scored like it did the result would be a life without guilt or fear. Black Hole may not be strong in all the qualities Laurie needs but it is strong in some that she definitely needs.
