Lois Clubbing
5/81
I am eating with Lois and Jeannie. They are talking about their night out. It seems Lois is single. Dad is attached. Lois is talking about how she went out clubbing – looking for men. She says to me, “What do you think of me now?” I thought how no one was perfect, that companionship is a normal desire for single women.
Associations
Lois is my father’s second wife. They are recently married. She was his office assistant in his orthodontic practice for years. My true feelings are that this is highly out of character and inappropriate for Lois and that my response was bullshit.
Sociomatrix Commentary
Dream Self: She needs to be home with Dad. Clubbing is inappropriate, incongruous behavior. I am dishonest. Maybe I don’t want her to feel bad.
Lois: I guess I really don’t like clubbing either. Why do I do it? It’s dishonest. I don’t like being single. I know he’s being dishonest when he agrees with me. I like men and companionship
Jeannie: I like to Club. What’s so surprising? I like being single. Why ask his opinion? Why does his acceptance matter?
Men: We’re glad they’re single.
Comment: I am realizing that Jeannie and Lois are very different in my awareness, although they are best friends. Jeannie likes this pattern. It does not affect her conscience. She represents the aspect of self that creates the pattern and the dream. She would have talked Lois into going with her if Lois would ever do such a thing at all. Dream Self accepts, but passively and dishonestly.
Dream Commentary
If you could change this dream in any way that you wanted, as long as it respected the rights of all fellow dream group members, how would you change it?
Lois: I’ll go out to a party with Joe’s dad, my husband.
Jeannie: This is harmless. I want to keep it as it is.
Men: We’re glad they’re here.
Dream Self: I like the change suggested by Lois.
Dreamage
I am eating with Lois and Jeannie. They are talking about their night out. Lois is talking about how she went out to a great party with Dad. Jeannie is talking about all the fun she had out with them – looking for men. I am pleased that they all had a good time and everyone did what they wanted to do.
Waking Commentary
If you were this dreamer and were dealing with his waking issues – money, relationships, fears, career choices, physical health, and spiritual development – would you do anything differently? If so, what?
Lois: Have fun, but be true to your commitment to the Father within.
Jeannie: Enjoy life. Have fun. Don’t worry so much.
Men: Have fun!
Dream Self: Same as Lois.
Action Plan
When I go out I will put having fun in the context of doing God’s will, and I’ll make sure I have a good time, and with a clear conscience. More specifically, don’t be dishonest. Treat women as you would want to be treated.
Life Issue Commentary
Any recommendations about feeling more monogamous?
Lois: Continue to build your investment. When it gets large enough you won’t want anyone else.
Jeannie: Right. And spice up your relationship with a little seductive fun!
Dad: Nothing really to add.
Sociogram Commentary
I am realizing that Jeannie and Lois are very different in my awareness. I had never realized it before. Jeannie likes this pattern. It does not affect her conscience. She represents the aspect of self that creates the pattern and the dream. Dream self accept, but passively and dishonestly. (When dream self is not clearly polar, does it always represent waking self ambivalence?)
This pattern displays basic acceptance of this life issue (no bipolarity on the acceptance axis) although there is strong internal ambivalence regarding actions and feelings. I like my identity in this life issue and how I choose to express it, yet it remains empty and inappropriate. This is denied. (no affect)
Elements closest to the center of the sociogram are either neutral or ambivalent within themselves (7/6). Elements further from the center are less ambivalent within themselves and more oppositional with other dream elements.
(How does one differentiate between neutral and internally ambivalent characters?)
This pattern is unusual in that there is acceptance, although out of awareness, of a pattern that both waking self and dream self are uneasy with. The “Jeannie” component seems to win, convincing the other parts that what is right for her is right for the rest of self. This is a case in which acceptance and preference by the entirety of the dream elements appears to be inappropriate. Perhaps the directly conflicting elements are the key: single, clubbing, looking for companionship. While I accept and pursue these actions, I have some basic reservations about their appropriateness. I am already committed to the Father. This is a basic, ongoing dilemma in my life that I had not put my finger on and I have yet to resolve. This dream crystallizes the issue beautifully. Working with its potent elements may be the key to resolution.
Most of the time, when we look at dreams we lack the objectivity to know what to emphasize to put the pattern into focus. Others are objective, but lack the subjective contact necessary to tie the dream to waking concerns. Generally, waking perception of a dream is simply uninformed. Dream Sociometry cracks through this lack of perspective, emphasizing relationships and attitudes previously out of waking awareness. For instance, in this dream I would have initially summed it up as follows: “Part of myself doubts the appropriateness of my clubbing behavior but I am reassuring because I don’t want to be critical.” In contrast, the actual dream states something more like this: “Some of us like to club, but for others of us it is inappropriate. It is honest for dream self to be critical. Waking self is too passive and accepting regarding sexual feelings and actions he does not really condone.”
Acceptance and preference by the entirety of the dream elements appears to be inappropriate. It is honest for dream self to be critical. Waking self is too passive.
