Have you ever dreamed you were the opposite sex?
The experience can be really shocking. A person can wake up and think, “Am I crazy?” “Am I a pervert?” Such dreams are not that unusual; lots of people report having them, but why? If you look in dream dictionaries and the psychological literature you will find speculation ranging from sexual role ambivalence to a repressed desire to experience sex as the other sex does, to a wish to be more “male” or “female.” While such interpretations may get you to consider new possible meanings, do they throw light on why you had the dream? At most you will find an interpretation that is personally satisfying or helpful, which is different from knowing why you had the dream in the first place.
Integral Deep Listening takes a different approach. It assumes that the characters that appear in your dream are the most likely source of information to tell you why they are in the dream. They can give you their opinion of what the dream is about. Because they are invested in its creation, their interpretations are more likely to reflect who you are, to be relevant and strike you as true and valid.
This lady has repetitive dreams that she has both labia and a penis. She didn’t just change sexes; she was both. Follow along with her interview of her penis and then read the following comments for some thoughts about how you might be able to use this interview in your own life.
What are three fundamental life issues that you are dealing with now in your life?
To be OK with the world. To not feel that I have to help others or do better than others.
To live MY life. To be more myself.
To have fun with work and with all I do.
Tell me a dream you remember. It can be an old one, a repetitive dream, a nightmare, or one that you’re sure you understand.
Sometimes I dream that I have a penis as well as female sexual organs. It looked kind of like a carrot. I will dream that I have the desire to have sex but there is some inner damage and I can’t. It will take a long time to get any sensation and then there is no orgasm.
Why do you think that you had this dream?
I am sad that I am not able to experience orgasm. As a woman, I think about the male part of myself.
If one character had something especially important to tell you, what would it be?
My penis!
Now remember how as a child you liked to pretend you were a teacher or a doctor? It’s easy and fun for you to imagine that you are this or that character in your dream and answer some questions I ask, saying the first thing that comes to your mind. If you wait too long to answer, that’s not the character answering – that’s YOU trying to figure out the right thing to say!
Penis, are you a character in Rainbow’s dream, yes?
Yes.
Penis, would you please tell me about yourself and what you are doing?
I look like a carrot. I am long but narrow. I am not as orange as a carrot. I am not erect. I am hanging with no sense that I am a part of Rainbow – but I AM a part of Rainbow.
What do you like most about yourself? What are your strengths?
I have no self-sense. Rainbow is always talking! Perhaps it’s a strength that I don’t care about anything.
What do you dislike most about yourself? Do you have weaknesses? What are they?
I dislike that I always see me with the eyes of Rainbow. I don’t have self-awareness. I don’t see myself for me.
Penis, what aspect of Rainbow do you represent or most closely personify?
The part of her that is not able to enjoy sex. Sometimes I’ll become erect but there won’t be sexual lust.
Penis, if you could be anywhere you wanted to be and take any form you desired, would you change? If so, how?
I want to be a part of Rainbow and give her the possibility that she can live her wish to be kind and be together with a partner – in communication, in sex, and have orgasm.
Penis, imagine that you are a part of Rainbow, that can communicate with a partner, have sex, and have orgasm. What is that like for you?
To be kind, to be strong, to be either a passive or active sexual partner. To have a good feeling around physical contact and to lose oneself in those feelings…To be happy, relaxed, yet with more power.
(Continue, answering as the transformed object, if it chose to change.)
Penis, how would you score yourself 0-10, in confidence, compassion, wisdom, acceptance, peace of mind, and witnessing? Why?
Confidence: 10! I am a full part of Rainbow! Everything is OK! I know that it is possible to have good sex and good feelings about Rainbow.
Compassion: 9
Wisdom: 6 I react a lot!
Acceptance: 9
Inner Peace: 8
Witnessing: 6
Penis, if you scored tens in all six of these qualities, would you be different? If so, how?
I don’t want to be different!
How would Rainbow’s life be different if s/he naturally scored like you do in all six of these qualities all the time?
She would be more calm in some situations. She wouldn’t feel so much the anger of others. She could distance herself. That would give her freedom and more confidence. She would feel more and more that another way of living is possible. She would feel it more and more from week to week. Her life would change! Heavy to lighter with herself and others!
If you could live Rainbow’s life for her, how would you live it differently?
She is lovely, can be a good friend. She has compassion! Those things I wouldn’t change. But I would help her not to have to protect herself and not have too much compassion! She is so good but it is so necessary that she be more patient with herself! It’s good to have the wish to help other people when she sees their problems. It’s better to let some thoughts and situations flow – to let them be! I can’t be erect all the time! If I were sensitive all the time it would be horrible. Rainbow can benefit by becoming less sensitive! She is on her way! It will change more and more!
If you could live Rainbow’s waking life for her today, would you handle her three life issues differently? If so, how?
To be OK with the world. To not feel that I have to help others or do better than others.
What I just said, and to be patient with herself!
To live MY life. To be more myself. I am working half days. This is a big improvement.
Be autonomous. Not worry about what other people think about her.
To have fun with work and with all I do.
Just be me! Accept herself! She is moving in this direction. Before I scored highly I was hanging there, little, small, sad, without feeling, without a job or anything to do. I couldn’t do my task.
What three life issues would you focus on if you were in charge of her life?
It would be good if she gives first more and more attention to her inner feelings. She needs to accept who she is and where she is now rather than always wishing she could have real, good sex now. If she becomes present to herself now and listens to her inner compass, she will grow.
In what life situations would it be most beneficial for Rainbow to imagine that she is you and act as you would?
It would be good for her if she remembers me when she’s relaxed and when she’s reacting, with others, alone, when she’s full of emotions – to accept herself in all these circumstances!
How is Rainbow most likely to ignore what you are saying to her?
She won’t.
What would you recommend that she do about that?
It is good for her to be aware of her sad feelings, to let them go, to be aware of my power, strength, and autonomy. I can show her how to make her life, to live HER life!
I think Rainbow had this dream because
Perhaps to show her that there is a part of her that doesn’t look so beautiful that’s a part of her that she needs to accept. To learn to let those parts of herself be as they are. To say to her that I understand. No other human can help her. It’s her own task.
Penis, why do you think Rainbow is crying now?
I’m a part of her that doesn’t have feelings. She doesn’t feel whole. I understand that she’s sad. It’s ok to be sad about this!
What have you heard yourself say?
I can use this image of this penis to live more my life, that it’s necessary and good that I follow my own sense of what I need to do.
If this experience were a wake-up call from your inner compass, what do you think it would be saying to you?
Do not care so much about others in every situation. Be kind but show your strength! Find the right time and the right place! Not to be an exhibitionist but to be confident. Do not ask myself so often, “Am I good enough?” Be patient! Be satisfied! Don’t always hang the goal unachievably high! Do not think I have to live up to others’ expectations!
Penis says that it represents the part of Rainbow that is not able to enjoy sex, that lacks sexual lust. It doesn’t have feelings and knows that she doesn’t feel whole because of it. It’s a part of her that understands and accepts her sadness about that. It wants to help her to fulfill her wish to communicate, have sex, and have orgasm with a partner. Having both sexual organs means that she can be both active and passive as a sexual partner. She can be happy and relaxed with sex and yet have more power. Her penis says, “there is a part of her that doesn’t look so beautiful… that she needs to accept. To learn to let those parts of herself be as they are. To say to her that I understand. No other human can help her. It’s her own task”.
So here you have an interpretation from Penis that is probably more accurate than all the guessing games from dream dictionaries and dream interpretation experts.
This Penis, when allowed to become self-aware, scores high in four of the core qualities of awakening and moderately in the other two, wisdom and witnessing. It is happy with that degree of self-awareness and doesn’t want more. If Rainbow accepted and integrated the perspective of this self-aware penis into her waking persona she would not have to protect herself, she would not be too compassionate, and she would be more patient and accepting of herself. She would stop being hypersensitive. So while the dream image of a flaccid or impotent penis was a concern for Rainbow, the penis itself is much more accepting of the ebb and flow of life and lust and encourages Rainbow to see the advantages of not always being “erect” and sensitive.
Penis is supportive and encouraging, telling Rainbow that she is on her way, that she is moving in the right direction. “If she becomes present to herself now and listens to her inner compass, she will grow.” It encourages her to be patient with herself, to be autonomous, to not worry about what other people think about her, and to accept herself. “She needs to accept who she is now and where she is now rather than always wishing she could have real, good sex now.”
Penis claims that if she will become aware of and let go of her sad feelings, while becoming aware of its power, strength, and autonomy, she will make her life and live HER life.
Notice that the interview, from the point of view of Rainbow’s penis, is not basically about sexuality or gender. Instead, it is about a lack of self-sense and lust for life. Penis says, “Rainbow is always talking!” which implies that the penis part of Rainbow does not feel listened to. If that is the case, an interview like this can go a long way toward remedying that situation by listening to and respecting inner perspectives that are often crowded out or ignored.
That penis lacks self-awareness implies that you too have parts of yourself that lack self-awareness. Are there parts of yourself that don’t see themselves for what they are, but only through your eyes? Of course, the answer is that we see most of ourselves only through our own eyes. What an IDL interview like this one does is allow other legitimate inner perspectives on your life to wake up and become self-aware.
So why is that important? Rather than creating dissociation or split personality, it does the exact opposite: your sense of self becomes more inclusive as you allow other parts of yourself to wake up and become self-aware. In the process you will learn to become your own best dream interpreter as you find and follow your own unique inner compass to heal, balance, and transform your life.
