Contamination
7/29/89
I am in the Soviet Union. A group of Soviet workers are standing in front of an area with sinks or tubs. They being told about the importance of washing their hands in the baths at least once a week to remove contaminants. Is it some sort of light acid? They are preparing to discard their workclothes, which they do once a month to cleanse themselves of contamination. I am aware of the sacrifice of the workers who pay a lot of money for clothes. One worker is going to have to discard Birkenstock type sandals. I am with them wearing my jogging clothes. I am unwilling to relinquish my jogging shoes, etc. We are walking through sand dunes to a “cryptosylum” on a peninsula. There is a mental health facility as well as a place to put the contaminated clothes that is located there.
Associations: Last night: Conversation with Mary Jane about giving up my Pike’s Peak run and my writing in order to make money a priority. Also discussed ways to market DreamQuest and my book. Also pre-sleep suggestions to support success in these areas.
Predicted Preferences
Most Accepting Character: Jogging Clothes
Least Accepting Character: Dream Self
Most Preferred Character: Workclothes
Most Rejected Character: Contaminants
Most Preferred Action: washing
Most Rejected Action: sacrifice
Most Preferred Feeling: none
Most Rejected Feeling: unwilling
sociomatrix commentary
Dream Self: I feel sorry for these workers. They have little and they work hard for it, and they are giving up what they have. I also am doing the same, and it is hard. Actually, I am not as willing to sacrifice as they are, and I have so much more than they do. They have more character than I do. I don‘t feel very good about myself because I am passive and selfish. I like the Soviet Union and I admire its workers for their strength and character in the face of adversity. I am not convinced that there are contaminants, because I can’t see them and I haven’t seen the circumstances under which they were acquired. But if they are there, I don’t like them a lot and I like the fact that they are being washed off. I like the acid because it is cleansing, but I do not like it because it is toxic. I like the idea of getting rid of contaminated clothing; I dislike a lot the idea of others or myself having to give up precious items. I like my shoes and jogging clothes a lot; I associate self-pride and accomplishment with my jogging clothes, and I hate giving them up, because it feels as if I am giving up a major source of self-esteem. I like the cryptosanitarium because it is a useful, helpful place; I dislike it even more, however, because it is a place of death and disease. I like a lot that I am unwilling to make sacrifices, but I dislike a lot that I lack the inner strength and character of these simple people who are giving up much more than I am.
Soviet Union: I am pleased to have Dream Self visiting me. I am a vast but largely unforgiving land. My inhabitants grow through the challenges I give to them. I care little about the contaminants. I am vast; I will absorb them. The concerns of these humans are momentary experiences in my life. It is strange, however, to have a desert peninsula in my borders. It is like a tomb in the desert in Egypt. How did it get inside me? It is hot; I am mostly cold.
Workers: We care little about Dream Self one way or another. We have discarded contaminated clothes many times before; we have always been provided for and received new ones. The crypto-sanitarium is a place of renewal, although it does not look like it and Dream Self does not realize it. We will enter tired and bereft of our possessions; we will leave regenerated and with new clothes. There is nothing to fear, and no reason whatsoever not to surrender what we have. So Dream Self’s attitude is immature because it is short sighted. He does not understand.
Sinks: We are very functional, placed here for the safety and convenience of the workers. We are a short-term or stop-gap solution to the problem of this contamination. We like to be used. We like to feel useful.
Contaminants: We’re just a bunch of natural chemicals that have been combined in weird ways. We came out of the earth, we’re part of the earth, and we‘ll return to the earth. If these humans don’t like us, then they can jolly well leave us alone. Actually, they have a love/hate relationship with us: they want us to do their work for them, but they don’t want to pay the price or take responsibility for it. So certain humans, these workers, have to pay the price of dealing with me. I don’t have any problems or preferences, really, because it doesn’t matter to me what anyone thinks of me or how they behave toward me or what they do with me. They can’t hurt me, and I do not harm anyone out of malicious intent. But there are laws, and people can get harmed if they break these laws. If Dream Self got me on him, he had best get rid of his clothes and wash in the acid and take his clothes to the cryposanitarium; he is simply unconvinced that I am on him, and he is disbelieving about my destructiveness. So his unwillingness does concern me. It is fine if I am not on him, but he had better understand my effects and obey the laws that apply to our relationship, or he will be ground up by them. He would benefit if he would act as if he were continually becoming contaminated, make the sacrifices, go to the cryptosanitarium regularly, die, and be born anew.
Acid: I am useful. These people need to use me and discard their contaminated belongings. If Dream Self is contaminated, he would be very foolish not to do likewise.
Work clothes: We would like to be used by other people in a different place so that we do not have to be discarded before we are worn out. But such is our lot in life, and we accept it.
Birkenstocks: We are comfortable sandals, and while Dream Self would hate to give us up, we should be discarded if we are contaminated. We are his casual and informal approach to life, which he will give up when he returns to work shortly.
Jogging Clothes: We should also be discarded if we are contaminated, although we represent a sacrifice and a change in lifestyle for Dream Self. We are his dedication to running, particularly to the Pike’s Peak run. The cleansing in the cryptosanitarium is much more important than we are.
Cryptosanitarium: I am much older than you know. I may seem severe, isolated, and threatening, but that is only my appearance. Inside I am an oasis, overflowing with life. But to discover my rejuvenation, one must leave everything behind in my fires. Dream Self is wisely seeking me out. It is not easy for him, but he is approaching. These workers are poor and largely underappreciated, but they have faith in me, and it is rewarded with regular regeneration. Dream Self needs to listen to them, and help them in any way that he can. A combination of stubbornness and fear gets in his way. But it is very little to give up, actually. Just a life style and rigid habits that create discord or which consume precious time and energy better used on other pursuits.
Dream Commentary
Soviet Union: I would like to look happier and less bleak. More trees and flowers. I would also like these workers to be happier. I am glad to have the cryptosylum in me; I wish it were better understood and used more often. I wish Dream Self had a more positive attitude about discarding and sacrifice.
Workers: We like Soviet Union’s suggestions. We would like to be rid of this contamination, but we would still like to use the cryptosylum.
Sinks: Sounds good to us.
Contaminants: I would just as soon be left alone and not messed with, but I am pleased with the procedures and methods being used to eliminate my toxic effects when I do build up. I would prefer to be reunited with my mother Earth.
Acid: I agree with everything so far. Perhaps if the contaminants were not a problem I would not be necessary either. That would be all right with me. I could stay in bottles, ready to be used if necessary.
Workclothes: We would like to be free of the contaminants; we are good and useful clothes performing good work.
Birkenstocks: I am not that big a deal. Dream Self got along without be before, he can do without me again. Besides, I am getting old and pretty beat up. I will still be around when he needs me.
Jogging Clothes: Just because Dream Self discards us does not mean that he has to give up jogging. He only has to surrender his attachment to jogging and his image of himself as a jogger. There is some stubborn pride there.
Cryptosanitarium: I like this dream, and I like being in it; in all, I think everyone makes good decisions, although Dream Self is a little slow. I have no objection to the above suggestions.
Dream Self: What the hell. Why not give them up? These poor workers are giving up far more, and they seem to be doing just fine. I don’t have a whole lot to lose, and the cryptoasylum sounds like an intriguing place that I would like to experience.
Dreamage
I am in the Soviet Union. It must be spring, because all is green; there are many beautiful trees and the flowers are in bloom. It is much brighter and more vibrant than I expected. A group of Soviet workers are standing in front of an area with sinks or tubs. They must be taking a break from their work. They look tired but happy. I am with them wearing my jogging clothes. They are excitedly talking about their upcoming pilgrimage to the cryptosylum. I am intrigued and ask to go along. They say that I will have to give up my jogging clothes if I want to come and wash my hands and face in the tub. I am impressed by the sacrifice of these workers who pay a lot of money for their clothes. I figure there must be something really good going on for them to be willing to give them up. We all take off our clothes and wash in the tub. The water feels cool and refreshing. I feel as if I am washing off layers of deep pain. One worker is discarding his Birkenstock type sandals. We are now walking through sand dunes to a “cryptosylum” on a penninsula. It is a mental health facility; there is also a place to put our contaminated clothes. I approach in great anticipation, thankfulness, and appreciation.
Waking Commentary
Soviet Union: Surrender to your new job and its demands; let new life grow out of death.
Workers: There is much regeneration waiting for you in the near future if you will sacrifice your pride, stubbornness, and complacency.
Sinks: Wash your heart every day.
Contaminants: Make yourself one with the natural order and you will have nothing to fear from it.
Acid: Yes.
Work clothes: Make your work a sacrifice for the glory of God. You don’t do it to please your waking self. You do it out of love for God and your fellow man.
Birkenstocks: Sacrifice complacency and the worship of comfort, but don’t get rigid about it. Just let go.
Jogging Clothes: We are an aid, but we are not the source or purpose of life. Our sacrifice is a reminder that you are not to build your life around us or anything like us.
Cryptosanitarium: The sacrifices, washing, and desert will make you appreciate my function more deeply. You will be more appreciative. So die to your present lifestyle and let your new job regenerate your ability to be of service.
Dream Self: There is nothing unrealistic here. Read over the dreamage before sleep; remember it when you wash, put on your Birkenstocks or jogging clothes. Think of the cryptosylum when you bathe and jog in particular. Throw yourself into your new job.
Action Plan
use of dreamage
attitude of sacrifice
remember Cryptosylum
Actual Preferences
Most Accepting Character: Cryptosylum
Least Accepting Character: Dream Self
Most Preferred Character: Cryptosylum
Most Rejected Character: Contaminants
Most Preferred Action: washing
Most Rejected Action: unwilling
Most Preferred Feeling: none
Most Rejected Feeling: unwilling
6 of 8
Sociogram Commentary
I had no idea about the transformative nature of the cryptosylum. It is a clever combination of mausoleum and healing center, with capabilities I know not of. It is far and beyond the most accepting dream group member, which indicates that in relation to the rest of this intrasocial group it reflects or exhibts a transformative consciousness of a higher structure. This is hardly a synergistic sociogram, for several reasons: 1) there is opposition on the acceptance axis; 2) there is opposition on the character axis; and 3) there is rejection on the affect axis, all creating a ( / ) category pattern. The first indicates a lack of self-acceptance and some fundamental self-criticism by those attitudes personified as Dream Self, Contaminants, and Work clothes. This is the most fundamental internal conflict, because acceptance axis conflicts are always most basic. The second implies that the nature of the conflict is basically perspectival rather than affectual or behavioral. The perspectives in question involve some question like the following, “Do I need this purification (Acid/ Contaminants)? Do I really have to pay this price for transformation in my life?” The answer given by the dream group is a resounding “yes,” which reinforces my decision to return to work and to sacrifice my deep interests to practical concerns of the moment (money and keeping Mary Jane happy). The third implies that there is little to offset a feeling of inner resistance to making the sacrifices. It would be very good to see Hope or Trust on the positive polarity of the affect axis, giving a sense of at least some inner proportion. Their absence implies that these are good feelings to use as a substructure when experiencing the dreamage. This is an antithetical type Dream Sociogram, but not badly so. And conflict can, if one is wise, be used to presage rebirth.
Further notes, April 2016, some fifteen years later…
I had this dream before I found work but completed the Dream Sociomatrix and commentaries after I had been hired. When I found the job in the want ads of the paper in Phoenix I immediately knew that this was the job I would get and felt “right” about it. I went into the interview without stress, with a sense that everything was going to fall into place, and it did.
Then, I created the Dream Sociomatrix and Commentaries and forgot about the dream. It was not until I had been at work for perhaps three months when one day, for unknown reasons, while I was at work, the synchronicities of the dream and my work circumstances came flooding in on me. Clearly, working in the county locked in-patient mental health unit for adults and adolescents deemed a danger to others (homicidal or molestors) or themselves (suicidal or psychotic) was entry into an asylum. This facility was across a street from the county hospital, where very sick people were treated or came to die all the time. Every day I would walk across from the mental health annex to eat lunch in the hospital cafeteria, which happened to be in the basement. It also so happened that food for the patients in the mental health annex was prepared in the hospital cafeteria kitchen and the food had to be brought over three times a day to the annex. This was achieved by a “train” of cars that carried lunch trays, pulled by a golf cart. Access was by a long, dark ramp that I walked down every day into the basement of the hospital on my way to the cafeteria. Down the hallway leading to the cafeteria on the right was the door to the morgue, where the bodies of the deceased were kept. So every day I passed by a “crypt” while working in an “asylum.” However, there was another synchronicity that put the icing on the cake for me. Next to the hospital, across from the mental health annex, stood the only incinerator for radioactive waste in the state. I walked right past it twice a day.
In the larger picture, the image of the desert in the context of the Soviet Union framed my life circumstances at the time. I was living in Phoenix, in the desert, and struggling to make it hospitable for my own development. I had another dream that I created a Dream Sociomatrix on that dealt with the same theme, Rescuing a Fish Out of Water, some years before. The Soviet Union, from my current perspective, spoke of the broader, largely undeveloped, largely simple and natural nature of my life work – investigation of a new frontier, the transpersonal, in a way that was foreign and where I did not have a sense of peer support, but still in a context that was fundamentally nurturing and supportive.
I did find that my time at the Maricopa County Mental Health Annex built my confidence, but I do not associate it with purification or the elimination of contamination. I have never had those issues with mental health, having had clients of all sorts come to my home office for treatment for years, nor have I ever felt a strong need for personal purification, although perhaps I might have been better off if I had. I might have handled sex with less guilt, made better food choices, and meditated with more regularity and focus.
While my wife of the time, Mary Jane, objected to my long training runs for an upcoming marathon, I never gave up running for her. I felt like the return to work and putting that money back into the household was enough. I continued to run until after I moved to Germany, in 2007. About 2009 I had a dream that made me realize that I needed to change to a lower-impact form of exercise if I wanted to save my knees. Because of that dream, I was able to give up a long-time friend, my running, with grace, and simply shift to regular workouts on an elliptical trainer, which I still do.
I am thinking that I may finally be ready to tackle this issue of contamination and purification. While the sexuality is no longer an issue, I can make big improvements in the areas of nutrition and meditation.
